| Thich Nhat Hanh |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|12:34 pm] |
I just found this and this is the best take on the elections. One day I'll have to meet Thich Nhat Hanh, but first I'll have to learn to pronounce his name. I'm reading his book right now called Living Buddha, Living Christ and it's awesome. Go Hanh!
Nothing is Lost - Insight on the recent U.S. Election
For those of you that voted for Kerry, we must look deeply to see the Kerry elements in Bush. In this long and difficult campaign, Bush has learned many things from Kerry and those who voted for him. We have to see that they inter-are. If there had been no election, Bush wouldn’t have questioned his positions or his approach. He would have been able to assume that his way is best. But he almost lost the election, and he is aware that at least half of the American people don’t believe in him. Now, because he almost lost, he is more humble and must realize that if he doesn’t listen to the other half of the American people, there will be a big disturbance in the country. So we have to see that now all of us are in him. Those of you who didn’t vote for him are in him, are a part of him after this very close presidential race.
We have to help our government so that a president elected by 51% of the population will not serve just that 51% but the whole country. We need to keep speaking out, daily letting our government know what we want, expressing our insight and understanding. We need to be very present, very firm and constantly let the government know we are here. We can support them in our own way, through being present, calm, lucid and compassionate. Being compassionate doesn’t mean we surrender and give up. It means we see clearly that our country, our government is us and it needs our help. Compassion means acting with courage and deep love to help manifest what we know our country is capable of. Historically it has happened that the agenda of the left has been realized by the right. We have to speak out and keep speaking out, and it is possible that the Republicans will accomplish what the Democrats, what the left, had hoped to realize had they won. We also need to remember that even if Kerry had been elected, he would also have had to partly realize the wish of those who voted for Bush, and it is not sure that he would have been able to stop the war in Iraq. Nothing is lost because we are in President Bush. There is a loss only if we respond with anger and despair. We have to continue on, to continue our practice, and remain strong in our role as bodhisattvas helping the other half of our country by our firm, clear and compassionate action for peace-- the kind of peace in which both sides win because it is based on mutual understanding.
Thich Nhat Hanh
November 7th, 2004 |
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| jorb |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|11:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
So I had an interview for a new job. It's right next door to me. It would be head teacher of a 2 year old pre-school classroom. It would be full time. So I would be full time 2 year old teacher and going to grad school full time. I'm so broke I'm tempted to take the offer. I don't know how i'd do with 2 year olds. I've only taught 3-5 year olds and want to teach 3rd grade-8th graders. However, I know I'll only be working there a year or so. And it would be managable. I don't know, I'm worried that I wouldn't do well with 2 year olds. 2 year olds love me and think that I'm great, but I've never had to teach potty training. I'm sure I can do it, but do I want to? Sure. I think. Man, I cannot make a decision to save my life. I guess that's why I let the worlds make decisions for me sometimes. I shouldn't. I'm slowly taking more control, but man oh man being poor and looking for a job is rough. I think this would solve my problems though. By problems I mean being broke ass.
Speaking off, I have no money to pay for my next improv olympic class. I have to call today and see if they can work something out, because I have to pay them this weekend. I don't want to get out of step with this group. They are great, and I want to keep up with them. We'll see today what's up.
I'm also reading a really good play called Moonchildren. I want to memorize a monologue from it. The plus here is that it's a good play that no one performs anymore, and not many have heard off. And it's age appropriate.
Also, I've been working out. My body is really freakin' sore. So I'm doing it again today. Take that body! |
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| friggin' |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|07:56 pm] |
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It's 8pm. I'm bored and should be reading a book about Robert S. McNamera for history class which will only make me more bored. Catch-22. So I'm writing here. I think I'll head out to the depaul library to read my book. I tend to read better when I'm surrounded by quiet, books, and no tv, radio, internet. I have to write this paper tomorow. Boo. |
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| just burnin' cds |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|01:24 am] |
after writing that subject I so want to write "cds nuts". Cause that's where I'm comin' from that's the humor of my youth. I'm sure there are plenty of youth still executing that fine gag, but I'll still hold a special place in my heart for it.
No, seriosly. I'm burning copies of cds. I'm going crazy with this buring. I think I've burned like 20 so far today. It all started with me wanting to burn a copy of the pixies concert that my friend posted online. So I did. And I burned a copy for my little brother. Then I could not stop burning. I burned the shit out of every cd I wanted to hear. I've got the ventures, the temptations, I've got hank williams, sr. Don't step to me with your honkey tonk hatred cause I'll throw down! Now I want to burn some songs my brother put on the computer before he decided to use the sony music system for his sony mini disks. Sony uses a format that cannot burn onto cds UNLESS you have a sony viao computer. BS. There I said it. You already knew it.
Spent the majority of my evening looking at old pictures of relatives. Initially I wanted to see what they looked like in the 20s for the 20s show my group is doing. Then it just got to more and more pictures of life. It was good to see pictures of papa. He passed away about a month ago. I miss him. But it was good to see pictures of him in his youth. He was freakin' huge. No, not fat. Freakin' huge. No, not tall. Freakin' huge. He could probably lift a cow over his shoulders and carry it to the next town. Just found out today that he never learned to read. Got pulled out of school to work. He was raised by his sister so you know money had to be tight. Great guy though. Really smart. Would always watch gameshows and new the answers. So it was good to see him young and happy. There were some pics of me as a baby. I know pictures seem to only capture the smiles (hell, they command you to do so before each picture) but who wants to see the sadest unhappiest moments of all times on film. That's what your represed anxieties are for. I'm half joking here. The whole of this ramblind point was I had a good time this weekend. I almost "should"-ed myself to death by telling my self I should call friends and go out and get drunk and woooooooooooooo...get laid. But fuck that. I was never like that and never will be that. I love close family, friends, and good stories that use lots of hand jestures. That's my grandpa callahan. It's been said that if my grandpa callahan had done half the things he said he did in his stories he'd be 106. Good guy. Saw pics of him too. 6'3" irish-german who looks a lot and I mean a lot like my brother. My mimi says I look a lot like papa. I know I'm looking a lot like my dad, and I used to look a lot like my mom when I was younger. To look like papa I'll have to loose some hair. I hope that doesn't happen. But it was fun to see the pictures from my family's past. Alright. To bed. |
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| sing sing sing |
[Nov. 18th, 2004|02:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "If I ever leave this world alive"-Flogging Molly | ] |
So I did some karaoke last night with s. It was fun. I sang "take it easy" by the eagles poorly, and I sang "ice ice baby" very very well. I think we now know where my talents lie. That's right in the world of white boy rap. She's a fun chick. We'll see what happens. So I'm still slow to go and apply for jobs. I hate applying for jobs. It's just the biggest pain in the ass. Plus, my back is spasming, and my allergies are acting up. If I were a bully I would totally stuff myself into a locker right now. The day is glum too. Looking out my window I see wet and grey, and the back ally with all its dumpster majesty. My brain's done for now. I think I'll make some tasty noodles. |
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| lazy good for nothing.... |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|04:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lazy | ] |
Man, I spent all day doing a whole lot of nothing. Did I have stuff to do? Yup. Did I do it? Nope. Have I consumed too much caffeine? Probably. The point is today was a recovery day from a fast paced weekend with some surprises, and yesterday's full go observation and then classroom presentation. The 'morrow shall be much more productive. The most productive thing I did today was post about poetry and wrestling in one post on the chicago improv board.
So lets reflect on yesterday which was hyper productive. I went to the same school that I ranted about in an earlier entry. SOS. Same old shit. Except this time. I got to go around and help the kids with grammar. They had to find the predicate, and the teacher had not taught them what a predicate is. While I did this, he was taking kids into the hallway to talk about the new quarter. Yes, I, in my first observational experience, had to deal with a class of 34 kids all alone and with no disciplinary system in place. I did awesome. I actually ended up talking to the kids about other things like communism, and the WWE. See, I used to live down the street from pro-wrestler Rick Flair and my brother got invited to his daughter’s birthday party. I somehow told one of the kids this information, and the kid could not stop asking me questions about the WWE, and Rick Flair.
At the end of the day the kids were actually honestly sad that I was not coming back. Which made me feel sad, but also I enjoyed the fact that they liked me and wanted me around. They made me a thank you card which for 13 year olds surprised the heck out of me. But one of the entries the kid who could not stop asking me about rick flair wrote: "I hope you grow up and become a teacher and teach your kids about the WWE and who Rick Flair is". Ah yes. I'm truly a purveyor of fine knowledge for the world's future. |
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| Triumph! |
[Nov. 15th, 2004|05:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
I'm sitting in the DePaul computer lab. In a few minutes, I'll be doing my group presentation. Right now I finally got this IBM teacher workplace to upload something for me. This was something required for a grade so whoooopeeeee!! Also, I've finished my observational hours. Soon, this quarter will be wrapped up with a nice little bow. To draw a quote from the A-team, "I love it when plan comes together." |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2004|11:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Saw the Pixies last night at the Aragon. At the show I realized that its been about two years since I've seen a really rockin' kick ass show. And I've forgotten how good that feels. Seriously, it makes me feel happier and more artistic after rockin' out like that. FYI the last rockin' show I went to was The Dropkick Murphys. Alright, I'm off to Improv Olympic and then to my group project. More to come so stay tuned..... |
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| pretention |
[Nov. 13th, 2004|11:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
I just read Perverse Pleasure is the Best Revenge on salon.com. Good tongue in cheek revenge at the '04 election results. So far its the best advice I've read yet to the beleaguered dems after their resounding spanking. Living in Chicago I still hear lots and lots of bitching about the election. I'm a liberal, and I would like to kindly ask the rest of yous liberals to please just shut the fuck up. It's over. It's done. Moving on. If it bothers you that much, get active. Go volunteer, donate, something just stop wearing my ears out with the same tirade. It's not worth this much depression and exasperation. Our country has been going to hell in a handbasket now for over 200 years, why should we stop now? It's just the american way. So go have some kinky sex, hold a gay marriage, read a banned book, and join the aclu. Just stop whining before I up and become a compasionate conservative. |
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| let's improvise |
[Nov. 5th, 2004|03:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thirsty | ] |
So I'm still sick. I think this is going to be one of those sickness that lingers for 2 weeks or so. After a while no one will believe I'm sick. So let's just say I'm tired. Other then that I'm doing pretty aces right now. I had a great rehearsal last night with my improv group. We are doing a show in the near future totally as if we were in the 1920s. So I've been cramming my '20s slang, history, and cultural references. Here's an example: "Look you dumb dora this fivver's no jalopy! You just do not know your onions about automobiles. Now hand me that hope chest, and the panther sweat and let’s get a wiggle on."
Fun.
So now I need to tamp down and solidify my 20s character as well as get an outfit together. Which will be rough because I have no money. I might have out of going craziness quit my job prematurely. No, I'm letting my creeping fears creep in. I worry about money a lot because of my mom. Actually most of my neuroses can be traced back to my parents and bullying. So my mom made me feel like our family was two steps away from the poor house which was never the case. Now I am maybe four steps away from the poor house, and refuse to ask the padres for help. Why? Stubborn. I also don't want to hear the told you so lecture. I'm calling a lady about babysitting, and applying to teach afterschool. This weekend I'll apply for work at borders to see if they need some seasonal help. So yeah I started out talking about the joy of improv that I had last night and ended up in freaking out about money land. New paragraph!
yeah, I had a great rehearsal. I finally feel that I am coming into my own in this chicago improv thing. Again, and like always, my instincts are correct and strong, but my confidence is weak. I belong here and on any stage anywhere. That's what I gotta keep telling myself. It's true. And it makes the improv more fun. You can't have fun when you're worrying. So I'll stop worrying starting........wait....wait......wait...................NOW!
Man, I wish it was that easy. I'm like a goyish woody allen. It's meshuga I know, but worrying is such a part of my personality that its hard not to function without it. As a therapist would say:"how's that working out for you?" Bad in huge doses, okay in minor doses. So what have I learned from all this? More then a blog can hold.
I have two teachers from the compass school coming to see Don't spit the water at 10:30 (here's a pic from last week's show. that's me with the clock around my neck). That'll be fun. They are both sweet giggly pre-school teachers who don't get out nearly enough. So I'll be up late bouncing around bars. BUT i have to wake up early tomorrow for my basic skills test. And by early I mean 6:00am. For a saturday and for me that's nuts! The test is at 7:30. I should rock it, but we'll see. I'm also hoping to play kick ball tomorrow.
So to sum up, I'll be performing twice tonight. Once with pastor of muppets, and once in don't spit the water. I'll be meeting two pre-school teachers, staying up late, and then taking a test on Saturday. Am I drinking life to the lees yet Mr. Tennyson? I sure hope so. |
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| malaise |
[Nov. 4th, 2004|01:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
I'm sick. I feel like crap and have a billion things to do. I have this lingering cold that's been slowly building since monday. I hate that. I prefer to have one or two days where I'm flat on my ass sick as oppose to trying to get things done with the 1 hour bursts of energy I get after laying down for 2 hours. But I have been making my calls to get my feild experience at the nearby elementary school, and to try to get a job at a pretty sweet little child care facility. I need to clean my room, fold my laundry, and stuff and things. I also have to find something fun to take a pretty girl to. Oh, and I never called the cute puerto rican chick. Couldn't find her number. But there's this other fun girl we'll call S. who I'm diggin' right now. So I have to find something fun to do with a pretty girl and I have to get a hair cut cause I'm getting shaggy . Ug, energy gone, must return to bed. |
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| blah! |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|10:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
So here's what's been going on starting with HALLOWEEN! Halloween was...eh. Yup, just eh. Maybe I expected to much because it was my first official halloween in chicago. Friday was cool. That was halloween at the pre-school I teach at. Actually, I should say taught at, but I'll get into that (maybe) after my halloween rant. So the pre-school was a trip. I dressed up like harry potter and the kids kept telling me that my magic wand was really a stick. These are the same kids that offer me buckets of sand and tell me its ice cream. Who teaches these kids? Oh, yeah...I do. Then saturday came and it was the hugest dissapointment. So huge I had to spell disappointment wrong. Too many s's not enough p's. I wanted to go to a party or something to show off my cheap ass harry potter costume. But my roommate bailed on me cause his girlfriend type thing that lives way down in TN and he had a weird conversation. I don't want to make fun because I've had a long distance relationship before, and they suck, and I've done the same thing where I'll drop out of the scene to have a 3 hour phone call with lots of giggling and playful arguments over who will hang up first. And I shouldn't base the whole of my social existence on where I can drag my roommate, but I do need to find more dudes to hang with. I have a tendency to hang out with women more, because I don't feel comfortable asking a guy for his phone number to hang out. Yeah that's right it feels gay to me. I said it! I just am not exactly sure how to go about getting guy friends just like I'm not exactly sure how to go about getting girl lovers. So I end up with no guys who are friends and tons of girls who are JUST *le sigh* friends. Sunday was cool though. The theater I'm involved with The Playground Theater walked in the parade on Halsted. The theater is in boystown so the costumes were sublime! Sunday was equal to Friday as for the whole happy festival feeling of halloween. That's what was lacking for me on Sat. I ended Sat. morose and reading Theodore Roethke poems.
So I'm still kind of working at the pre-school I taught at. The head hancho of the compass schools asked to hire me on as a theater enrichment teacher for the kindergartners and after school programs. Every other friday from 2-5pm. Of course that rocks it old school style and new school style. I get to teach theater to kids. Boo-ya! Makes me want to bust out in some booty rap which always feels celebratory to me. Also, in my history class today, I was talking with a classmate and she told me her school is looking for a part time after school teacher. So my fear of being totally broke and jobless might be assauged. Can you tell I just learned how to put links into this thing? Fun fun fun.
I also took an IQ test online because I'm procrastinating from doing the work that I need to do for a group presentation I have today. Turns out that according to the super reliable internet that my IQ is 131. Again according to the super reliable internet that makes me:
a Facts Curator.
This means you are highly intelligent and have picked up an impressive and unique collection of facts and figures over the years. You've got a remarkable vocabulary and exceptional math skills.
Neat. I've also started writing my novel for the nanowrimo. I have to write 50,000 words in novel form in a month. I don't see it happening, but I have a page so far. If I blow up and make some great headway I'll mention it again.
I should write in this every day so I don't have such huge ass entries. Ah well, whatchagonnado?
Plus, I voted. Yes, for Kerry. BUT looks like Bush won, and some states apparently really hate gay marraige including my ex-state of MI. I hated MI before, but now I really can't stand it. Except the yupper. It's only bears and people with funny accents there. Both of which are all for civil liberties. So grrrr. Looks like more poverty, war, and economic decline for four years. I'll start painting my protest signs now to get a jump on it all. |
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| eminem's new video |
[Oct. 30th, 2004|12:40 pm] |
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Just saw the new eminem video. It's anti-bush and quite good. I don't think the song says much, but it's the video that I was interested in. I'm more a visual person anyway. Though listening to angry rap music is my guilty pleasure. If you sneak up on me one day you might find my cracker ass throwin' down some dope rhymes. |
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| about to spit the water |
[Oct. 29th, 2004|08:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
I'm about to perform in the first performance of my friend's live game show Don't Spit the Water. I'm the timekeeper named timekeeper willis. It's going to be a funny show. I get to dance around with my shirt off in front of a maximum of 50 people. And keep time with my shirt off. And that's not the funny part. The whole idea of the show is that contestants are picked from the audience. The contestants fill their cheeks with water, and then some comedians try to make the contestants "spit the water". I time them and yell "spit the water" when they do so.
I'm nervous. Which is good because it means it’s important to me. But then part of my brain is doing that negativity thing it’s really good at by saying "you're not that involved with the show, you're gonna screw up, you're not topless material". But I am really involved in the show (I’m on stage the whole time), and I'm not gonna screw up because I just don't, and I'm not gonna make it to the mr. nude world finals, but I think I look pretty fine not just topless, but totally nekkid. And its fun, the show I mean...and being nekkid. I really can't think of a better way to spend a Friday night. That's not sarcasm. I really enjoy spending a night involved in making people laugh and hanging out with my friends. That's a good night. If a pretty lady walks into the picture, and the picture is of us smoochin' etc then it's a great night. Or the night creates a story for later, that's a great night too. For now I'll just focus on the good night of topless timekeeping, and water spitting. Hope it's a big crowd.
Today was my last day working at the compass pre-school. I've been a pre-school teacher there for over a year which doesn't sound like much, but is an eternity in my life of 26 years. Actually, it’s not exactly my last day because I'll be coming back to teach theater games to the kindergartners and after school kids every other Friday. But I still wanted people to make a big f'n deal about it. I got one going away present, and the cute puerto rican chick (cprc) made a medium f'n deal about it. This cprc and I have been flirting back and forth forever. I've been hesitant because I try not to date people I work with, but I'm not working there anymore so my master plan was to ask for her #. Plans like this rarely succeed because I am so ensconced in fear in any dating, pre-dating, or talking to a pretty girl scenario. Turns out she left early, and I missed my boat. But I think I might have an employee contact sheet with her number on it, and might take a chance at being creepy to give her a call. She wouldn't mind. But I still have these other two girls. I've only been out once or twice with them. Fun girls, good looking, but I am always unsure what to do after I've charmed them on the first date. I have no game. I can charm them, but lack the suavity to pull any kind of move leading to kissing, petting, or even a thumb wrestling contest. So.....that's what I need to work on: my gettin' some game. We'll see what happens with that. This is a sit-com plot like situation here. All I need now is to have a date with all three, and maybe catch mono so I can learn a valuable life lesson. |
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| Procrastination |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|10:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
I think as soon as I began to dislike school I discovered the word procrastination. So, for me, that would be when I was around 13 years old. That was the explosive time of spontaneous erections and emotions that had no sense of time or place. It's difficult to focus your energies on school when kissing girls down by the creek had a much better pay off. Yeah, I said down by the creek. That's where the making out happened in Charlotte, NC when I was growing up, by the creek. There was also some fishing, some smoking, and one fist fight that I remember.
I mention procrastination because I'm halfway through my first quarter of graduate classes. I haven't been a student since I finished college back in '00. I didn't do well then, and I didn't like it then. Not much has changed except I'm more focused on what I want to be when I grow up. As an undergrad, I did what I was supposed to do which wasn't what I wanted to do. I'm not complaining. I had good times and bad in college, got my big brains, a bunch of friends, and the pictures to prove it. But I had no idea what to do after four years in a fevered frenzy of knowledge absorption. After some years of bumming around and being stereotypically Gen-X, I hit upon an occupation that I could be proud of, enjoy, be challenged by, and not feel like a sell out: teaching.
But it's this damn schooling I have to go through. I hate it. So that's what this journal is for. This is my vent so I won't go Mt. Vesuvius on someone in the middle of a class discussion as I did during undergrad and as I feel myself getting closer to doing in class. Something about sitting still for three hours, and listening to people asking irrelevant questions or telling (sometimes repeating) empty stories with the soul aim of having the teacher pat their head and smile at them. Guh!
So I'm writing this instead of a paper, and/or instead of studying American history 1865-present. Actually, we're only up to the Great Depression (which wasn't so Great if you ask me *rimshot*). But I need to write, I need to vent, and maybe I can look back on this and learn. Or at least entertain myself at the expense of others.
I'm not sure I'll keep the title, but for now I'm amused, but it does feel a bit pretentious. I'm not a savant, I think that's my internal joke, and right now it's funny. Other things I'll explore when I get the chance in this journal: my experiences in the improvisational comedy world of Chicago. I'll start classes at Improv Olympic on Halloween, and I'm on a member team at The Playground Theater. I'll also talk about my experiences in dating. I'm not very good at it and I got out of a tumultuous year and a half relationship this summer. Just recently I've gotten the gumption to try to ask girls out...um...on the internet. Yeah, not super gumption, but for me (as good lookin' as I am) gumption. The rest is all miscellany pie. Yum. And most likely not always this big a slice of miscellany pie. Alright, enough of this. I'll get to work....after a quick jog. |
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bryan_champ's journal
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